Completed first and second year at Chichester University as a student with autism

Wanted to share some of my work and passion with the aim to inspire and show people who might have doubts about going to University that anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

A passion is a passion, to me this means full heart and soul. Never have I lost the love for what I do, it is not to please others it is about how far can I take my dancing journey for myself.

I am so hungry for my dancing more than for food, it is a craving to train train train!!!! (running along the tracks) and when I say this I literally mean it. I am not able to rest easily unless I have done some form of exercise, due to my overactive energetic brain.

With autism, I am constantly having to work weather I am physically working or not!.

Being diagnosed with autism was a shock and 3 years down the line after finding out I am still finding my feet and adjusting.

Before the diagnosis, I didn't know who I was I was even more unsettled and emotional. I didn't have the answer on a piece of paper to tell me what was wrong and why my behaviours differed from those around me. Since being diagnosed, my body has been able to settle down hugely and within myself and my extremely drive mindset I am becoming very successful. I aim to prove my diagnosis papers wrong and people around me who make assumptions and have in the past that I won't be this or that. There should be no expectations for people with autism, just let them get on with it. We are not retards, we are able to understand in our own ways and have many struggles / battles to face. Our perceptions of the world are not the same as neurotypical, but this doesn't mean it is wrong. Personally, this makes a person more interesting. Why do we judge, do you want everyone to be the same?. I used to get the impression that society did going through the horrid school system, I was glad I went as I learnt huge life and social skills. However, school is not a very happy place when you are different from other children and realise you don't really fit in. But I was okay in the end, came out with a couple of close friends, I didn't need to fit in to be happy and since going to Uni I have found my for life friends - I have heard people saying this expression and it is true. I didn't think I would be as successful as I am currently, I don't let my struggles get in the way of my dreams and this is what separates me from others. I am aware that people don't live like me and that I am extreme but when I set my mind to something I am going to achieve it. University students want to have a party life, but that is not my style I would rather be in the studio. For me this is down time, I love being alone with my music creating my thoughts.....

I aim to live my best life and grab any opportunities I can get. I have seen many performances and participated in workshops at University as that could be me one day. Communication is a barrier for me right now, but why can't it happen in the future. We don't have to rush life, I intend to go at my own pace - blossoming slowly.

Despite having struggles of my own, I have always strived to help others within whatever I do and I have done this without really trying in some respect everywhere I have been. Especially at University, I have helped my tutors in understanding my autism mainly through my dancing as my words don't often come out correctly or not at all. My academic advisor really respects me and I have been able to form some positive connections because of my autism ( which hasn't always been the case in the past ), I get told I am really likeable and funny!!. I do feel like I live in parallel worlds sometimes, I can be in the moment and my head be elsewhere. When someone looks up to me and says I remind them of themselves this to me feels so rewarding, considering my childhood was not straightforward and some comments I received in the past have really left scars on my body and experiencing traumatic episodes. I tend not to show these outwardly as much anymore, learning to mask is good and bad.

In the future, my aim is to be as independent as possible. I love support but I don't know how to take or handle it, as I have grown up caring for others and my own parents therefore I don't want anyone to have to care for me. My brain is filled with contradicting messages. In whatever I do, I want to continue raising awareness for autism and I have already began starting to form pages to making this dream happen. Website, YouTube dance music videos and Instagram.

I therefore, want to share my research methodologies essay written by me in second year. I used my strong family unit, looking at lifestyle approaches through Buddhist practices can help heal the mind through dance. I have looked into the areas of Somatics, yoga, meditation, practice for research ( my own choreographic research ) and inspirations within my practice. I believe I was born to do dance and something is waiting out in the big wide world for my input. I dance as my true self, my tutors have told me that I have a special quality to my dancing that can't be taught and they can feel the emotion and passion behind it. "I am a powerhouse". Being at University has allowed me to take my dancing to a whole other level, I am becoming more of a thinking dancer in the space and really beginning to sense my body. This has become more apparent in second year, using skills learnt in movement studies and the Feldenkrais method. 3rd year for me, will be about finding a range of qualities not just one. Glimpses of this have started to show, for example in movement and character. I want to gain as much knowledge and skills out of my degree as I can to help me in the future become a portfolio artist.

It is interesting how our minds evolve, when I was younger I was only exposed to one experience in ballet - studying modern and commercial alongside. Never did I think that I would be where I am now pursuing a career in the contemporary dance world, I am the most free I have ever felt and I can utilise my other styles which is amazing!!. My marks along the way reflect my hard work ethic, this can be annoying as my autism does go unnoticed and I am told I am not struggling or find anything challenging. What people don't see is how hard I have to work behind the scenes to achieve such results. You get out what you put in. Being complex, I really deserve to see my hard work on paper. It is a confidence boost, not that marks are everything it is the progress we make along the way - weather it be in dance or life in general. In dance, it is one person opinion that is why you must dance for yourself and try not to be brought down by it. What matters is your own experience evolving. Your journey is as good as you make it, life is too short so help me ( if you can ) make a difference to those like me living with autism and those who understand or have children with autism will know exactly what I have been mentioning above and in my previous writings. We will always need support in whatever we do, we need to feel safe in society to allow our talents and personalities to flourish.

I hope aspiring dancers with autism like myself can read my page and can relate to my story. The worst feeling is feeling like you are the only one, trust me you won't be. I had to search for the right place that offered the support I needed, it is about finding that right secure environment. A few sacrifices might have to made, but it is as good as what you make it. I hope my story and works can touch people and inspire them to not give up if things are not working out - we have our whole lives to try again or try something new.

GIVING UP IS NOT IN MY VOCABULARY AND NOR IS FAILIURE!!.

How can Buddhism impact the mind through dance .pdf

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